good run this morning. decided to stick to the roadways because the path yesterday did my ankles in. time for new shoes, tho, as these have caused a blister on my heel. no blisters. blisters bad. so, will probably wait til this weekend when i have some money from Logan's.

it was beautiful, tho, running in the early day sun. and i began to see this running venture as a huge gift as it allows me to see so much and pushes me down paths i might otherwise have avoided.

i am not defeated

this came to me as i was running about a month ago and my mind was whirring with events going on.

I AM NOT DEFEATED.

it is a good truth to cling to, to remind ourselves--our minds, our bodies, our war-ravaged parts--that we are not defeated.

so much around me works to prove otherwise, and nothing is worse than my own thoughts. but as i was finishing one of my more trying runs, i had to repeat this over and over again. eventually, my legs felt lighter and more capable.

but the scenery this morning was beautiful. i took a path my mom suggested, that was very hilly and allowed me a raw view of the mountains, shrubbery and landscape of this beautiful area.

this one was taken once i crested the hugest hill i've had to hike in a while.

i will do tomorrow's run on this path, before i board the plane bound for Indiana...

just keep swimming (or running)

ok, so Friday i got back on the horse and ran 20 minutes. i refused Ashleigh's offer to use the fitness room and hit the streets of North Vegas, planning my route so i would finish my run facing my favorite mountain chain. it was a tough run, and my diet lately has certainly not been in great support of any endurance action.

ran again Saturday morn and it was a bit easier, didn't seem as much of a struggle. tomorrow i will jog a trail near my mom's place in LA. it's a bit more of an off-road trail, but sounds amazing. it's not 20 degrees and snowing, as it is in Indiana, so it is all good.

fundraising not going so well, tho i haven't really done much with it. i need to finish sending letters, then do emails as well. my sister and i have talked briefly about having a night at Logan's where we donate all our tips to the fund. my manager liked the idea and said there may be a way to donate a percentage of the proceeds as well. we shall see...

i am not looking forward to heading back to Indiana. this has been an amazing and most needed rest, but nothing has been answered as i thought it might. i am still confused about my future and direction, going to school vs. moving, where to live when the lease is up in May, etc. life just seems so daily right now...

my dear Mindy has been sending me encouragement via email. i shall share some with you:

So in the past 3 weeks I've taken up running again ... not training right now, just therapuetic running as I call it. I grab my MP3 player, lace up my asics, and I go, not tracking pace or distance or anything, I just go until my heart has had it's time to recoup what it feels it has lost that day. . . Sometimes you just need to get up and go, set your heart free, and maybe not have a purpose or a reason, but just go because you can and because you believe that somehow it matters.

V-day...

well, it is midnight and i have officially survived Valentine's day. with Bloody Mary in hand, i am planning to go upstairs and take a bath to soak my feet. needless to say, this has been a long day.

i opened at the Bucks at the buttcrack of dawn (5 am) and stayed to 11 am. with just a 45 minute nap, i welcomed my dad who came to bring me my annual V-day rose (i look forward to this every year). then about a half hour more rest and it was time for Logans, aka. the night from Hell.

i pulled the muscles in the bottom of my feet last night and, well, walking on bum feet for 8 hours proves to be rather stressful. by 8 pm, i considered quitting my job, just to get off my feet.

Saturday mornings are our weekly scheduled team runs, so i was very disappointed that i missed it. we had a team work-out Thursday and it was cool to meet some new people. the comraderie of it is great; keeps me thinking about the importance of each run. but with my feet in such bad shape, i may be in Vegas before i run again....

i just realized that i should clear up my last post...."recreational" is not referring to drugs, but smoking regular cigarettes occasionally. ha.

this has been a wierd week. was supposed to be our first week of training full time, but i missed the first two runs. or rather, opted to not do them. i've been so exhausted from working or holed up at traffic court trying to pay my speeding ticket and get my license back. fortunately, that is cleared up and i no longer need to have a panic attack every time i see a cop driving near me.

still, i am lacking the motivation to continue with this venture. my sis and I sent out support letters this week, looking to raise the money needed. our minimums are both $1,600, which is totally doable. just need to get the donations flowing in.

tonight, we have group training at the Broad Ripple HS track. ready to do it. i've rested and i need to get out there and get some of this energy out.

the rest of the weekend promises nothing but opening shifts at Starbucks and closing shifts at Logans. but this means money for Vegas, which is just 6 days away!! whoo-hoo!!

this week is supposed to start our official training regiment. today and tomorrow i am supposed to run an easy 20 minute run and then we have group training at the Broad Ripple track Thursday night.

i've already missed my first day. i just had so much going on and it's wierd to follow a schedule that isn't of my own doing. i'll chalk that up to my controlling nature.

but tomorrow i will be better. a 20 minute job straight after work, which should actually be amazing since it's supposed to be in the 60's. oh, and i need to stop smoking "recreationally." it really is few and far between, but with the stresses of money and work right now it's getting worse. no buena. my lungs need be healthy or i'll never finish that race.

we had our first group training run at 7:30 am. it was fantastic. the weather has actually gotten better and was about 50 degrees. we had a huge group jogging up the Monon, over the bridge and thru some wooded terrain. this was definitely my bag...i love running in the early morn.

then i spent the next 12 hours at Logans. i had crap food, including McDonald's....my poor body is aching and my digestive system is hurting. but i made some good money, which will help the wallet.

next training run is Monday i believe...

one day at a time...

when i asked a friend recently how he was doing, he said "taking it one day at a time." i can echo those sentiments exactly. all around, life has just seemed very hard lately. friends losing loved ones, broken friendships, demanding jobs...all of this has been wearing on me mentally and emotionally.

but today...today is Friday. and let me tell you why I love Fridays. i usually open at the Bucks, which lets me out early. then I work out and go to Trader Joe's to stock up on lovely precious foods for the coming week. I treat myself to an amazing protein juice and samples of coffee and whatever food they're sampling.

today is an especially amazing Friday because I got to run OUTSIDE!! whoo--hoo!! I just did an interval run/walk--5 min run, 5 min walk--for about 40 minutes. some running intervals were faster than others, especially as my muscles warmed up and stretched out. the sun was out and it was almost 50 degrees. beautiful.

tomorrow we have our first group run at 7:30 am in Broad Ripple. which means we'll be leaving the house around 6:50 to get there in time to stretch, etc. you can think of me when you're cozy in your bed, sleeping in!!