i've been delaying this post...partially b/c i don't know how to begin and partially b/c i don't want to face the fact that it's over.

Team in Training held a pasta party for us the night before the race. as we walked in, the walkway was lined with coaches and mentors and cheering and clapping, and our staff-liasion handed both Lauren and I an envelope. i had no idea what it contained.

when we sat down to eat, i opened the envelope out of curiousity. it was full of cards, emails and notes from friends and family. tears immediately came to my eyes and i could only read them in small doses. such an outpouring of love and support. amazing!

the night continued with success stories of cancer patients, remembering those who lost their battle and honoring those who struggle daily. yes...more tears. our head coach stood up to give us last minute advice and we were done. bellies full. excitement high. ready to run.

so, Lauren and i were up at 4 am, ready to head downtown to find a spot and meet the team for a group photo. we parked right next to finish line, which i was so thankful for later, and envisioned ourselves crossing it.

we were in our corral by 6:50, excited, bouncy. taking pics and videos with the camera Lauren would later regret carrying. we talked with our neighbors and laughed a lot. and couldn't help noticing that everyone was giving us strange looks...we didn't understand why until we got into the race...we were expending all our energy.

the race starts and it takes us nearly 35 minutes to finally cross the start line. i got through the first half with relatively few problems. seeing the Speedway in the distance pulled me on and filled me with great excitement. fans on the sidewalks and roadsides were awesome, clapping and ringing cowbells. a couple little girls were even advertising "Free Hugs."

i realized, about 3 miles in, that this would not be easy. that you don't get to just say you're running the mini, like i'd been doing for months. you earn every minute, every mile.

there was a lot of energy entering the Speedway. as we descended the ramp, bagpipes were playing and everyone was cheering. silly us...not even half way through yet and so excited.

i was told by veteran runners that the Speedway was the hardest, and i would have to agree for many reasons...first: it's the halfway point. second: it's hot. the sun was beating down straight on us with no chance of cover. third: it feels so long b/c all you have to look at is how far you still have to go.

my dad was waiting for me as i exited, around the nine-mile mark, which was so encouraging. and i found friends from small group just a little further down. it was like they were perfectly stationed b/c i had begun to hit my wall.

half-way into mile 11, i sincerely wanted to quit. i called my dad and told him to talk to me; he told me i was doing awesome and how proud he was. that didn't help. i loved him for it, but i couldn't get back in the game mentally. so i took a pit stop and used a portapotty. i tried to walk when i got done but it actually felt more natural to run, so i took off again. still, mile marker 12 seemed to take it's sweet time getting to me.

we hit the home stretch and i clung to the words a teammate said to me at the end of another long run: "there is always something left in the well." i kept wondering just how deep i thought my well was, but i prayed, nonetheless, for God to give me strength to finish.

finish i did. at 2 hours and 37 minutes. the longest run i've ever done. i didn't feel elated. i didn't feel like i was on top of the world. i just wanted my medal and to lay in cool grass and sleep for the rest of the day.

i was beyond spent. whatever was left in the well was long gone and i felt like i'd been hit by a mac-truck. i spent the rest of the day sleeping on the couch.

perhaps the most comical scene has been watching my sister and i walk down the stairs of our apartment as our legs begin to heal...we truly look like old ladies! i have to grip the railing and lean into the wall, taking one step at a time.

a friend asked if i signed up for next year yet, and i honestly could not answer. i am just now coming to grips with the fact that i actually did it, just coming to the place where i can say i might do it again. it took a lot more out of my than i expected...i am still very weak in my legs, exhausted and depleted.

but i accomplished what i set out to do. i ran the whole thing (save about 20 feet). i praise God for opportunities such as these, where we have the opportunity to set a goal, be pushed beyond our farthest boundaries and meet it. pictures will be posted as soon as i have them uploaded.

bib number: 40688

we got our confirmation booklets in the mail, complete with our bib number and corral number. tomorrow we go downtown to pick up the race packets. april is over and the race is on my doorstep. how did i get here??

when we started this venture, it seemed like such a distant reality. i had no clue what to expect, just did what they told me and began to learn the sport of running. we would increase our mileage with each week and i would continue to wonder about the race. would anticipate it, but only mildly, only to explain to people why i'm in training, why i need their money.

and here it is. and in just 48 hours, it will be nearly over. so wierd.

i was telling my small group about it last night and a bunch of them will be riding their bikes along the route to encourage people. it was good to feel supported and loved! i can't wait to see them!

all-in-all...i'm ecstatic! i'm anxious, a bit nervous, hoping my tendonitis goes away....but like a kid on Christmas morning, i want to rip into this one and enjoy it for all it's worth.

i've got shin splints. or tendinitis. either way, i have to take a break from running this week to let it clear up...don't want any lingering injuries for the race.

i'll be quite honest...it is extremely hard for me to be "resting"...i've developed this routine and it's hard to not be doing it.

10 days. the countdown begins. i'm growing more excited by the day, especially as coworkers keep asking about it. it's fun to know they care.

and so we're tapering...

we're in the homestretch. less than 2 weeks until the race. racing pros call this "tapering": the runs have lessened, we are to be aware of any extra activities that could cause injury and we're to really take care of ourselves in preparation. this includes good foods, lots of water and, most importantly, rest.

on that note, i pushed myself during our run yesterday and ran a 5K in less than 30 minutes!! i was way proud! my pace has improved, in large part due to running with Laura. she is a bit faster than me, but i do most of my mid-week runs with her so i try to keep up. i usually want to die by the end, but it's made me faster. like swinging with two bats...i guess only baseball/softball players would get that.

and so, i'm ready. mentally. physically. ready. over training. over raising support (which is done!!). ready to do this thing. Mini here we come!!

dealing with failure...

bad run today. started out with a goal of 45 minutes, miniscule in comparison with Saturday's 2 hour run. i got about 20 minutes into it when i realized that i hadn't had a full meal in nearly 20 hours. no fuel = no running.

i'm a huge believer in running being a mental battle, so i continued to tell myself to push through, draw on reserves, i could do this...i couldn't. with nearly 3 miles to travel to get back to my car, i stopped to walk.

this is the point i wished i had dry-weave clothing, b/c all my sweaty clothes began to chill in the 40 degree air and i began to freeze. i'm a huge "all or nothing" kinda person, which usually translates to me beating myself up when i can't do something to the extent i want/expect to. so all the way back, i struggled with being ok just walking. i even tried to job, but my body wasn't having any of it. i had to admit defeat.

i sprinted the last half-mile, desperate to get to my car and out of the cold. bigger mistake...my sugar dropped, my energy was depleted. i had to get fast food and sit in a tub of hot water and then nap just to recover....

too often, i want to use/abuse my body like it's a machine. at some point, there has to be a line drawn b/w discipline and rigidity, "staying the course" and stopping to rest. i have to be able to figure out what's really important....

my shins started hurting a couple days ago. diagnosis: either shin splints or tendinitis. so i started reading about them on runnersworld.com and talked to friends, and pretty much have done everything they've told me, which include a lot of stretching and strength-building activities.

as of this morning, they are much improved! still a bit tender, but i'm not running again until tomorrow morning (2 hours!! ehhh....) to give them that extra bit of rest. will probably cross-train a bit today, load up the bike and head to Monon. we'll see what this rain does...or heck, maybe i'll just do it despite the run. sounds like an adventure waiting to happen.

5K pics

me, Laura, Allie and Lauren...just missing Gary....

waiting for the race to start...freezing our hineys off...

coming thru the finish line

one month to the mini!

i've been experimenting with what i should (or shouldn't...really shouldn't) put in my body before a long run. so far, on the NO list:

oatmeal
steak dinner
anything heavy

i think the comination is as follows:
Clif bar about an hour before
Clif gel about 15 minutes before, and every 40ish minutes from there on out
recovery drink from Powerbar afterwards

who would have thought running could be so complicated. i tried Powerbar and Gu gels, which were both fine. but i was attracted to the fact that Clif is almost entirely natural. and i feel energetic all day, even after running 90 minutes.

Tues. saw my first running-related injury...don't know if it classifies as an injury. i went to the chiropractor and he adjusted my lower back. suddenly, my muscles locked and spasmed and i was in pain. pain so bad i cried on the way home and babied myself the rest of the day with ice and chick flicks.

my chiro explained that that joint, the SI joint, is taking a double hit, both from the impact of moving up and down as well as my hips moving back and forth. running is compounding this. especially the kind of running i've been doing lately.

i went back today and was relieved that no pain accompanied my adjustment. don't take your back for granted...

meanwhile, i'm enjoying the warmer weather and making tacos on Thursdays with my sister and running. running is becoming familiar, like a good friend.

my first 5K

today ran my first 5K...34:45. hells yeah!! my pace has improved, which is so exciting b/c i haven't really been working on it.

as i put the number on my shirt i suddenly got very excited...soon we will be downtown, putting on our number for the mini. it felt real. official. closer than i thought. all the work we've been putting into this will soon be fulfilled. it will all be worth it.

some friends from work have been inspired and ran with us. i will post pictures as soon as i get them.

necessary ingredients

i had only slept 3 hours, worked 6 hours at Logans, and, tho it was 3 in the afternoon, had only eaten a bowl of oatmeal since a few wings at Bdubs the night before.

and still, i strapped on my shoes and popped a gel to go for a 70 minute run. bad idea.

i got about 20 minutes in and began to feel like i was going to pass out. i tried to battle my thoughts, to stick it out, but eventually i had to admit that my body was depleted of everything.

there are necessary ingredients for everything...you can't expect to put sand and water in the oven and get a beautiful cake. i hadn't rested properly all week and hadn't been feeding myself right...if i'm going to do this endurance thing, i've got to put the right pieces together. develop a nutrition routine, rest enough.

tomorrow things change.

7:15 am: too early to be pulling into Eagle Creek park. it's still dark and Lauren and i are whining, wanting to go back to bed.

7:40 am: we set off on the street, surrounded by about 40 other teammates who've showed up to run the 90 minute run we've got scheduled. i put in my headphones, set the alarm and settle into the run to the music of Jamie Cullum. i've realized that i don't necessarily need fast dance and rock music to keep inspired. just need music i can sing in my head to keep the voices away. i can't do anything negative, so angsty chick music is out (no Kelly Clarkson, etc). in order to keep loving life, i have to positive energy coming in...Van Morrison, Jack Johnson, The Boy Least Likely to, etc....

8:06 am: reach for a gel and my water bottle; i'm fading. really?? have i only gone 26 minutes?? last time i made it to at least 30 minutes.... at this point i am really beginning to hate every square inch of Eagle Creek and it's damn hills, despite the different scenery.

8:20 am: feeling better. almost half-way through. my mind is processing the idea of an endurance event and how it is nearly 50% mental. this is, perhaps, the best thing i could have committed to at this point in my life. every week i have to come out and push myself to go further, break down barriers, believe that i actually can.

8:50: second gel. start of the last 5K. i set off with four other teammates i've caught up to, fully expecting they will quickly pull away from me. just the opposite. i ended up ahead of them, finishing a few minutes sooner. my alarm is set for 9:10 but i've decided to do 10 minutes more and finish at 100 minutes.

9:20: i stop to walk the remainder of the 5K, just about a 1/2 mile or so. my muscles don't like this. they are so used to running that i feel like i'm being propelled forward, similar to that feeling when you get off a people walker. then Lady GaGa comes on the headphones and i can't NOT run to that. so i pick it up and run another five minutes.

9:25: officially walking to cool down, having just ran an hour and 45 minutes. Lauren and i stretch with the team, grab some free PowerBars and head for Denny's, where we eat like ravished children who haven't seen food in days.

good run. very good run.

i'm heading home

we started out the morning in the dark and bitter cold. goal: 80 min. run south on the Monon from 146th St. in Carmel. i packed my new gels in my sweatshirt pocket, grabbed a water bottle should there be no stops along the way and cranked up the music. perfect morning for a run.

eventually the day woke up, the sky got lighter and it warmed ever so slightly. the path was relatively boring, taking us through wooded residential areas and small bits of the Carmel arts district, but it was good to see new scenery.

our friend, Laura, joined us as a recently new outdoor runner. it was fun to have her along and she ran the whole time! good job, Laura!!

i realized with this run, more so than ones before, that this is just as much a mental game as anything else. i was my biggest fan on that track. strange as it may sound, i talked myself out of stopping or throwing up my gel pack (it didn't sit well initially with my stomach).

at one point i passed team members who had turned back for the second half of their run.

"i'm heading home," one lady said, and that lit a fire in me. we had finished our first half and, in doing so, had already accomplished a lot. we were heading home, toward the finish line, we could do it.

i finished at about 82 minutes because it actually felt better to keep running than it did to walk. my muscles seized up and the joints felt stiff when i began to walk. i felt incredibly pleased and am ready to go again.

this running thing is addictive.

took a friend running on the Monon yesterday. she's just started running and has never really done it anywhere but the treadmill. it was fun to introduce her to the "great outdoors!" ha.

had an easy run, made easier thanks to my beautiful new shoes. i was exhausted today, but i wanted to run just for the sake of wearing them again. good shoes really are a gift from God.

signing up for a 5K at the end of the month and i've invited my 11 year old cousin to join. she is very excited! we will have a good time....

next run: Thursday, group track training.

ran 70 minutes this morning. a glorious run down the monon at 7:30 am. it was beautiful and the weather was fantastic. and most of all...I DID IT!

at the half-way point i tried a gel, which you're supposed to drink with water and i understood why...it's very full and sticks to your mouth. but it did the job. i was able to finish with energy.

afterward, we went to breakfast, and one of the honored heroes (people who have or are struggling with cancer that we run for) stopped by with his fam. Luke is a smart, funny little 5 year old who's been fighting cancer for a couple years. he brought a spiderman halloween bucket full of suckers to share with us. just being around him, hearing his mom share the daily struggles he has--puking in the morning, taking power steroid doses, etc--made me want to cry.

it reminded me of our own family's time with cancer, watching our young cousin, brother, son--KC--slowly deteriorate under the weight of cancer and eventually die. there will always be, perhaps, a place that will not completely heal from that loss...

we went to The Running Company last night...fantastic place! I recommend it to any runner. They put us on a treadmill and videotaped to show how our feet respond to the pressures of running. Then they pick out shoes that will best support your feet. You can try them on, run on the treadmill with them...whatever you need to do to make your decision.

I found a great little pair of Brooks, which I've never heard of. But I can't wait to get them (put them on hold til the money comes in)!

Tomorrow morning we have a 65 minute run at 7:30 am. Good times. I actually enjoy running that early...something about being awake when the day is fresh and new and no one else is stirring. Love it.

live your life

listening to this song by Rihanna and T.I...good running music.

had a fantastic run tonight! had to check my schedule at Starbucks so i just made that my destination (nearly 4 miles). i wasn't sure if i would make it, especially before the sun went down. it was only 25 degrees and ended up taking me about 30 minutes.

when i got there, i felt amazing! i don't know when i've ever run that much before, and i can see now, where the endorphins take over and you just feel like you can go and go. my Starbucks friends fed me pumpkin loaf and a fruit cup and i felt terrific. except for the setting sun that i knew would soon put me running down a busy road in the dark. not safe.

as i was talking about leaving, one of our regulars offered to give me a ride half way. such a chance encounter, and we had good conversation on our short ride. she is middle-aged and so fun, kept telling me how nice i always was to her. i told her about my training and she told me how awesome it was that i was enjoying my life.

i finished the run on fumes and took a shower to warm my limbs. i'm still elated by the potential in running, where you can go, what experiences you can have.

next training run: Thursday, group track run in B-ripple.

good run this morning. decided to stick to the roadways because the path yesterday did my ankles in. time for new shoes, tho, as these have caused a blister on my heel. no blisters. blisters bad. so, will probably wait til this weekend when i have some money from Logan's.

it was beautiful, tho, running in the early day sun. and i began to see this running venture as a huge gift as it allows me to see so much and pushes me down paths i might otherwise have avoided.

i am not defeated

this came to me as i was running about a month ago and my mind was whirring with events going on.

I AM NOT DEFEATED.

it is a good truth to cling to, to remind ourselves--our minds, our bodies, our war-ravaged parts--that we are not defeated.

so much around me works to prove otherwise, and nothing is worse than my own thoughts. but as i was finishing one of my more trying runs, i had to repeat this over and over again. eventually, my legs felt lighter and more capable.

but the scenery this morning was beautiful. i took a path my mom suggested, that was very hilly and allowed me a raw view of the mountains, shrubbery and landscape of this beautiful area.

this one was taken once i crested the hugest hill i've had to hike in a while.

i will do tomorrow's run on this path, before i board the plane bound for Indiana...

just keep swimming (or running)

ok, so Friday i got back on the horse and ran 20 minutes. i refused Ashleigh's offer to use the fitness room and hit the streets of North Vegas, planning my route so i would finish my run facing my favorite mountain chain. it was a tough run, and my diet lately has certainly not been in great support of any endurance action.

ran again Saturday morn and it was a bit easier, didn't seem as much of a struggle. tomorrow i will jog a trail near my mom's place in LA. it's a bit more of an off-road trail, but sounds amazing. it's not 20 degrees and snowing, as it is in Indiana, so it is all good.

fundraising not going so well, tho i haven't really done much with it. i need to finish sending letters, then do emails as well. my sister and i have talked briefly about having a night at Logan's where we donate all our tips to the fund. my manager liked the idea and said there may be a way to donate a percentage of the proceeds as well. we shall see...

i am not looking forward to heading back to Indiana. this has been an amazing and most needed rest, but nothing has been answered as i thought it might. i am still confused about my future and direction, going to school vs. moving, where to live when the lease is up in May, etc. life just seems so daily right now...

my dear Mindy has been sending me encouragement via email. i shall share some with you:

So in the past 3 weeks I've taken up running again ... not training right now, just therapuetic running as I call it. I grab my MP3 player, lace up my asics, and I go, not tracking pace or distance or anything, I just go until my heart has had it's time to recoup what it feels it has lost that day. . . Sometimes you just need to get up and go, set your heart free, and maybe not have a purpose or a reason, but just go because you can and because you believe that somehow it matters.

V-day...

well, it is midnight and i have officially survived Valentine's day. with Bloody Mary in hand, i am planning to go upstairs and take a bath to soak my feet. needless to say, this has been a long day.

i opened at the Bucks at the buttcrack of dawn (5 am) and stayed to 11 am. with just a 45 minute nap, i welcomed my dad who came to bring me my annual V-day rose (i look forward to this every year). then about a half hour more rest and it was time for Logans, aka. the night from Hell.

i pulled the muscles in the bottom of my feet last night and, well, walking on bum feet for 8 hours proves to be rather stressful. by 8 pm, i considered quitting my job, just to get off my feet.

Saturday mornings are our weekly scheduled team runs, so i was very disappointed that i missed it. we had a team work-out Thursday and it was cool to meet some new people. the comraderie of it is great; keeps me thinking about the importance of each run. but with my feet in such bad shape, i may be in Vegas before i run again....

i just realized that i should clear up my last post...."recreational" is not referring to drugs, but smoking regular cigarettes occasionally. ha.

this has been a wierd week. was supposed to be our first week of training full time, but i missed the first two runs. or rather, opted to not do them. i've been so exhausted from working or holed up at traffic court trying to pay my speeding ticket and get my license back. fortunately, that is cleared up and i no longer need to have a panic attack every time i see a cop driving near me.

still, i am lacking the motivation to continue with this venture. my sis and I sent out support letters this week, looking to raise the money needed. our minimums are both $1,600, which is totally doable. just need to get the donations flowing in.

tonight, we have group training at the Broad Ripple HS track. ready to do it. i've rested and i need to get out there and get some of this energy out.

the rest of the weekend promises nothing but opening shifts at Starbucks and closing shifts at Logans. but this means money for Vegas, which is just 6 days away!! whoo-hoo!!

this week is supposed to start our official training regiment. today and tomorrow i am supposed to run an easy 20 minute run and then we have group training at the Broad Ripple track Thursday night.

i've already missed my first day. i just had so much going on and it's wierd to follow a schedule that isn't of my own doing. i'll chalk that up to my controlling nature.

but tomorrow i will be better. a 20 minute job straight after work, which should actually be amazing since it's supposed to be in the 60's. oh, and i need to stop smoking "recreationally." it really is few and far between, but with the stresses of money and work right now it's getting worse. no buena. my lungs need be healthy or i'll never finish that race.

we had our first group training run at 7:30 am. it was fantastic. the weather has actually gotten better and was about 50 degrees. we had a huge group jogging up the Monon, over the bridge and thru some wooded terrain. this was definitely my bag...i love running in the early morn.

then i spent the next 12 hours at Logans. i had crap food, including McDonald's....my poor body is aching and my digestive system is hurting. but i made some good money, which will help the wallet.

next training run is Monday i believe...

one day at a time...

when i asked a friend recently how he was doing, he said "taking it one day at a time." i can echo those sentiments exactly. all around, life has just seemed very hard lately. friends losing loved ones, broken friendships, demanding jobs...all of this has been wearing on me mentally and emotionally.

but today...today is Friday. and let me tell you why I love Fridays. i usually open at the Bucks, which lets me out early. then I work out and go to Trader Joe's to stock up on lovely precious foods for the coming week. I treat myself to an amazing protein juice and samples of coffee and whatever food they're sampling.

today is an especially amazing Friday because I got to run OUTSIDE!! whoo--hoo!! I just did an interval run/walk--5 min run, 5 min walk--for about 40 minutes. some running intervals were faster than others, especially as my muscles warmed up and stretched out. the sun was out and it was almost 50 degrees. beautiful.

tomorrow we have our first group run at 7:30 am in Broad Ripple. which means we'll be leaving the house around 6:50 to get there in time to stretch, etc. you can think of me when you're cozy in your bed, sleeping in!!

There are clubs you can't belong to, neighborhoods you can't live in, schools you can't get into, but the roads are always open.

-Nike Ad

I always loved running...it was something you could do by yourself, and under your own power. You could go in any direction, fast or slow as you wanted, fighting the wind if you felt like it, seeking out new sights just on the strength of your feet and the courage of your lungs.

-Jesse Owens



So, I started this blog to document the journey toward the Indy Mini-Marathon. I have wanted to run this marathon for several years now, so when I got a card in the mail from Team In Training, my interest was peaked. I RSVP'd that my sister and I would attend and had no clue really that I would commit to it. The mini was sold out but Team in Training promised they could get me in, as well as offer all the training help I needed so I said yes.


Team in Training is a phenomenal organization that combines endurance training with raising support to help fight blood cancers. For the Mini we have an honored hero, Alex Morris, who is a high school student in Carmel. Alex endured leukemia when he was in elementary school and is now in remission. He enjoys playing soccer, watching movies and reading. We received a bio on him with his contact info so I will be emailing him soon. I look forward to meeting this awesome kid.

I will also be running, in part, in the memory of my cousin, KC Kays, who died of a bone cancer in 2000. He was only 12 and the cancer journey dramatically affected our family, in both good and bad ways.

Our training has not officially strarted; we have a group run this Saturday where we will get to meet all the people in our area. I am both excited and nervous. The run is only 20 minutes so I'm not worry about that as I am already up to 27 minutes in my personal running. But it will be a huge array of people to meet.

My sister and I are running together, which really excites me! We have already been an encouragement to each other, to keep working out and getting things together to raise the money we need. Our goal is $1,600. To donate, simply visit my site: http://pages.teamintraining.org/in/one50009/cmcnabb. Every little bit helps!

My goals:
To run the Mini in 3 hours (that's just over 14 min/mile).
To raise at least $1,600, if not more.
To improve my diet so that I'm not fueling my body with frappuccinos from Starbucks. :)
To have fun!! And cross that finish line with my sister!